Lily's Diary
by SmallSerpent
Summary: Since DH came out, we've all seen pleanty of Snape angst, but what about Lily's side of the story? It's just a brief ramble about Lily's feelings on the day her oldest friend betrayed her. DH SPOILERS!


**Disclaimer: Quite obviously, it is not mine. J.K.R. ownes everything here. **

**Explaination: Basically, I was lying in bed tonight (well, it was almost exactly midnight) and this idea just came to me! I'm sorry it's so short, and that it totally sucks, but I knew I wouldn't get to sleep unless I wrote and posted this. It's a diary entry (by Lily) from the night that Severus called her a mudblood. I tried to work a very large span of emotions--confusion, hurt, anger--into a very short amount of words that I wrote in a very small amount of time, so reviews on how well I accomplished this task would be much appreciated. **

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Dear Diary,_

_He's been my friend forever, for almost as long as I can remember, and yet I can't shake the feeling that I've only truly known him a night. We met years ago on a playground... No, all those years ago we exchanged names, and stories, we met for the first time today. I'd lied to myself. I'd told myself that he was good, that he would change and turn back into the boy that I loved so dearly when we were young, but after today I wonder, was he ever that boy?_

_I used to play such games in my mind. I was young, and he told fantastic tales of life in the wizarding world, and I would let my passion for it turn into a passion for him. I'm not sure I even fully understood back then that this was all real. I was just a little girl. A little girl who spent her days hidden in the trees, listening quietly as a boy she thought she was in love with told her frighting and beautiful stories of a world that she didn't fully understand that she was a part of. I loved him back then, as much so as a child can love another child. I imagined us going through school together, taking classes together, making the same friends, and then growing up to get married. I was such a fool!_

_I thought I knew him then, so I believe everything he told me. I took his words to heart and let them inflame me... I became so caught up in the blatant facts he leaked to me so willingly that I was perfectly happy to ignore his blatant lies._

_I should have known that there would be trouble when he was sorted into Slytherin. I should have known that he'd end up like this. They all do, don't they? Or maybe he already was like this... That's the question that keeps playing itself over and over and over again in my head. Did being in Slytherin make him like this, or is being like this what got him into Slytherin? That day when he saw me on the swings, is that all he saw? An ignorant little mudblood who he could take under his wing as a last resort? And now that we're at school he can just throw me aside in favor of purer friends?_

_Those friends! They talk of the Dark Lord! They want to join him! Does he want to join him? Will he join him and then kill me? Suppose we both end up on opposite sides of the war, and we actually have to fight each other face-to-face! Could I do it? Could I ever aim my wand at the very boy who told me what a wand really does?!_

_I don't know anymore, and it frightens me that I don't. I counted Sev... That boy as one of my oldest friends! I'd thought I'd known him for years... but no. I'd known his name for years. It wasn't until today by the lake that I actually knew who he was._

_Mudblood. One stupid little word, and yet it ruined my oldest friendship in half a second. I won't lie to my old diary, in that moment, even as I told him off, I was madly in love with James Potter. He'd hurt the boy who'd just hurt me deeper than any hex could ever have reached. I've always loved Severus, even years ago, when I out grew all fantasies of marrying him, I still loved him dearly. Dearer than I loved my own sister at times. And not only does he not return my feelings, but he announced that he doesn't return my feelings in front of the entire school, just because I tried to help him!_

_Very well then! I've cried, I've ranted, I've cried some more, I've prayed, and now... Now I'm just done with him! He and his stupid elitist friends can go rot in whatever deep circle of Hell is reserved for the Dark Lord and his stupid Death Eaters! I really don't care anymore!_

_-Lily Evans_


End file.
